Relationship; can’t think of anyone who can live without one!
But what is it?! Relationship is nothing but expectations! Some of it is said and some is unsaid, some are cultural and some are personal etc! Remember, the strength of the relationship is always inversely proportional to the number of expectations (said and unsaid).
I have always wondered what makes it tick. Everything in the world is ‘Relative’! We have acquaintances, friends, relatives, blood relatives, so on and so forth! We have pigeon holes to slot our relationships. Today, with the increased stress levels (make-believe! Actually it is the increased awareness of the social rights and wrongs) the key word that is on everybody’s mind and lips is ‘Relationship’. We also have the added pressure of defining good and bad relationship. It’s so relative.
What makes it tick? I have a few thoughts to share from my 33 years, 150 Days, 3 hours and 42minutes of living!
In any relationship,
Think not, that communication is (only) in what is being said!
Know that, it is (also) in the unsaid!
Think not, that intimacy is only in physical presence!
Believe that, it is in spirit!
Seek not, to (only) understand the problems!
Strive (also) to be a part of the solution!
Don’t look for, ‘what I can but you don’t’!
Look for what I can’t and you do!
Think not that happiness is (only) in the doing!
Believe that it is (also) in the being!
Think not, that celebration is (only) in an occasion!
Believe that living is celebrating!
Think not that ‘differences’ is the enemy
Believe and make it your friend!
In trouble, don’t (only) think, ‘Oh God! Please take care!’
Believe that when you care you even please god!
Sometimes, when a relationship begins and takes shape it is like chasing a rainbow to find the treasure pot at its end! In the relationship, sometimes, you enter a tunnel, a dark tunnel; you keep walking, sure that there is light at the end. You walk a distance and start thinking, ‘Is there light?’ The tunnel keeps seeming longer and never- ending. You still keep walking and reach a point where you are frustrated and you want to turn back and you are unsure if the distance back is worth it or you should move on in the hope that you would see the light soon!
Sometime soon the decision is taken, ‘I’ll walk back’! At least I know that I started at a point where there is light!
Remember, that once you reach the tunnel the picture of your rainbow and the treasure pot starts fading and when you finally give up you don’t even remember that there ever was a rainbow!
This is the point, where I say, believe in the rainbow! When you start believing you will see that the light at the end of the tunnel is not the truth! You never entered a tunnel! The rainbow and the tunnel are your choices!
Iam not saying there is Utopia! Iam not saying there is ‘Ideal’!
Iam saying that it is in the priorities and respect!
The connotation is positive!! How is this ‘Simply Complicated’ truth seen and understood!?! It is relative!
A Strong Relationship is built on Trust
Trust is seen and understood from Behavior
Behavior is driven by Beliefs
Belief takes birth and grows from Values
Values are a reflection of your Conscience
Conscience is YOU!
YOU always drive the relationship! Trust enough!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Democracy…?!
I can’t help but think of this and wonder why I feel so helpless!
A politician is accused of molestation and/or rape and he gets arrested. Then the drama unfolds, he has a cardiac problem and faints and his cronies and fellow politicians demand justice as our hospitals are not proper. Their explanation is that their leader could not take the tension of the arrest and he already suffers from sugar and what not!
Mayawati is spending over 1000 crores for her statue installation program. Our members of the parliament are discussing the cultural ill effects of a program called ‘Sach ka Samna’, which is a direct lift from the American program ‘Moment of truth’.
Our country is facing dire threats of violence, joblessness, hunger deaths, female feticide, population explosion, diseases, traffic problems, lawlessness, crime etc and here we have such self serving, weak, uneducated and egoistic leaders who we have voted to power.
If the stupid leader could not take the tension of arrest how in the freaking hell’s name would he be eligible to carry the pressures and tensions of serving millions of people?! Is this some kind of a joke? Do we need people like him?
The country and its people are suffering and our cunning and shameless leaders are busy installing statues? The people that have to be served are being ill treated and sometimes have to go through a long wait for Justice, which one will find if he/she is lucky. You got to be in .001% of the population to have that kind of luck.
The politics is getting dirtier and beyond reform! A civil war looks a possibility now as close to 75% of the Indian population is now young (below 40 years of age, I guess) and if they do not have jobs and their leaders use them to ‘Divide and Rule’, not even god can save us.
Before the uneducated and uncouth leaders talk about culture they should check themselves and ask their conscience, if they have one. Do they even know what culture means?
The old, haggard, ‘good for nothing’ politicians have power, property, black money, conservative views, criminal cases against them etc and they are leading a progressive country with a majority of young population into a future that our leaders will not even live to see! The world is forward looking and our leaders are still primitive in thoughts and actions! What an irony!!
Look at what is making headlines! What a cruel joke our democracy is!!
As for me Iam still the helpless citizen of the country and the world, who could only speak and not act. I feel like such a loser!!
A politician is accused of molestation and/or rape and he gets arrested. Then the drama unfolds, he has a cardiac problem and faints and his cronies and fellow politicians demand justice as our hospitals are not proper. Their explanation is that their leader could not take the tension of the arrest and he already suffers from sugar and what not!
Mayawati is spending over 1000 crores for her statue installation program. Our members of the parliament are discussing the cultural ill effects of a program called ‘Sach ka Samna’, which is a direct lift from the American program ‘Moment of truth’.
Our country is facing dire threats of violence, joblessness, hunger deaths, female feticide, population explosion, diseases, traffic problems, lawlessness, crime etc and here we have such self serving, weak, uneducated and egoistic leaders who we have voted to power.
If the stupid leader could not take the tension of arrest how in the freaking hell’s name would he be eligible to carry the pressures and tensions of serving millions of people?! Is this some kind of a joke? Do we need people like him?
The country and its people are suffering and our cunning and shameless leaders are busy installing statues? The people that have to be served are being ill treated and sometimes have to go through a long wait for Justice, which one will find if he/she is lucky. You got to be in .001% of the population to have that kind of luck.
The politics is getting dirtier and beyond reform! A civil war looks a possibility now as close to 75% of the Indian population is now young (below 40 years of age, I guess) and if they do not have jobs and their leaders use them to ‘Divide and Rule’, not even god can save us.
Before the uneducated and uncouth leaders talk about culture they should check themselves and ask their conscience, if they have one. Do they even know what culture means?
The old, haggard, ‘good for nothing’ politicians have power, property, black money, conservative views, criminal cases against them etc and they are leading a progressive country with a majority of young population into a future that our leaders will not even live to see! The world is forward looking and our leaders are still primitive in thoughts and actions! What an irony!!
Look at what is making headlines! What a cruel joke our democracy is!!
As for me Iam still the helpless citizen of the country and the world, who could only speak and not act. I feel like such a loser!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Leadership?
Leaders are born, not made! Was a famous adage! Now in our lives in the corporate world we say Leaders are created!
This is very interesting for me as I have always wondered what leadership meant. Here Iam not talking about the world leaders or business leaders, Iam only talking about the leaders who have led me, led us through our careers so far. (The organizations prefer calling them the leadership team, fancy title for motivation)
I have been a ‘so-called leadership trainer’ handling sessions on how to deal with conflicts, how to collaborate, Team productivity, Coaching, Competency building, Feedback Skills, Presentation Skills, Presence etc for ‘Leaders’! BUT… I still have my question on who a leader is and what leadership means!
I went through ‘Situational Leadership’, studied about leadership styles, communication styles etc and also tried reading about our ‘Great leaders’. Did it help? I don’t think so! So I reflected on my professional journey to see what I could make of the leaders I worked with. I have worked with the ‘Directive Leaders’ who I felt lacked the human orientation, I have worked with the ‘Friendly Leaders’ with who I was comfortable and then I have worked with the other type who I call the ‘Non-leaders’ who believed in the concept of ‘One size fits all’!
With the Non-Leaders I have seen typical practices of using position based power/authority, creating fear and believing in getting work done under pressure. Success meant to them the way they defined it and they went about preaching their ways or some bookish ways that may have worked for them. They believed that by sheer virtue of their ‘professional experience’ their sub-ordinates should do as they are told or face dire consequences. They spoke loosely and took to gossip. Their discussions had a lot of ‘I’ in it. They resorted to favoritism, subjectivity and other biases. They would always say ‘I have been here for the last XX years and I know what works and what doesn’t. ‘You better do it this way’. They always were busy in meetings or taking decisions. They would be high on self-orientation and their policy would be ‘My way or the highway’. They were known more for the damage they could do to your career than for the enhancement.
Honestly and Sadly 97.5% (Don’t ask why 97.5%...I just liked this number) of the leaders I worked with were in this category. Their knowledge and their actions didn’t match. Their actions were the exact opposite of the views they would discuss and learn in their learning sessions. The loudest voice in a meeting is considered to be that of the best leader! They have redefined the meaning of AGGRESSION!!
From them I learnt what not to be!
Iam still trying to figure out if it really is difficult to practice what we have learnt, to be empathetic! Why do some of the so-called corporate leaders believe that success is in a position and confuse that with leadership skills?
In my journey so far I have met some really genuine people who did not have the position and hence were not called leaders!
The more I learn, the more sessions I conduct, the more leaders and people I meet, I realize that the leadership theory is deduced from analyzing various behaviors and consequences. Various experiences have been observed, recorded and analyzed for the benefit of our learning. Emulating is not merely practicing the behaviors of successful leaders but it is an opportunity to find out what each of us is. Emulate the success!
I think a leader is one who can/will contribute and be there when needed! A leader could be one who could respect his/her emotions and also understand the emotions of the others. A leader, I think, realizes his/her importance in seeing the success they create in the world. I think leadership is these values in practice! I don’t subscribe to the view that Leaders are born or for that matter leaders are created! I believe that each of us is a leader and when we scratch the surface we will see that it is not so difficult to understand, as we are the leaders of our destiny!
Iam sure there is more to it?
I welcome all the leaders to assist me in cracking this one!! My quest is still on!
This is very interesting for me as I have always wondered what leadership meant. Here Iam not talking about the world leaders or business leaders, Iam only talking about the leaders who have led me, led us through our careers so far. (The organizations prefer calling them the leadership team, fancy title for motivation)
I have been a ‘so-called leadership trainer’ handling sessions on how to deal with conflicts, how to collaborate, Team productivity, Coaching, Competency building, Feedback Skills, Presentation Skills, Presence etc for ‘Leaders’! BUT… I still have my question on who a leader is and what leadership means!
I went through ‘Situational Leadership’, studied about leadership styles, communication styles etc and also tried reading about our ‘Great leaders’. Did it help? I don’t think so! So I reflected on my professional journey to see what I could make of the leaders I worked with. I have worked with the ‘Directive Leaders’ who I felt lacked the human orientation, I have worked with the ‘Friendly Leaders’ with who I was comfortable and then I have worked with the other type who I call the ‘Non-leaders’ who believed in the concept of ‘One size fits all’!
With the Non-Leaders I have seen typical practices of using position based power/authority, creating fear and believing in getting work done under pressure. Success meant to them the way they defined it and they went about preaching their ways or some bookish ways that may have worked for them. They believed that by sheer virtue of their ‘professional experience’ their sub-ordinates should do as they are told or face dire consequences. They spoke loosely and took to gossip. Their discussions had a lot of ‘I’ in it. They resorted to favoritism, subjectivity and other biases. They would always say ‘I have been here for the last XX years and I know what works and what doesn’t. ‘You better do it this way’. They always were busy in meetings or taking decisions. They would be high on self-orientation and their policy would be ‘My way or the highway’. They were known more for the damage they could do to your career than for the enhancement.
Honestly and Sadly 97.5% (Don’t ask why 97.5%...I just liked this number) of the leaders I worked with were in this category. Their knowledge and their actions didn’t match. Their actions were the exact opposite of the views they would discuss and learn in their learning sessions. The loudest voice in a meeting is considered to be that of the best leader! They have redefined the meaning of AGGRESSION!!
From them I learnt what not to be!
Iam still trying to figure out if it really is difficult to practice what we have learnt, to be empathetic! Why do some of the so-called corporate leaders believe that success is in a position and confuse that with leadership skills?
In my journey so far I have met some really genuine people who did not have the position and hence were not called leaders!
The more I learn, the more sessions I conduct, the more leaders and people I meet, I realize that the leadership theory is deduced from analyzing various behaviors and consequences. Various experiences have been observed, recorded and analyzed for the benefit of our learning. Emulating is not merely practicing the behaviors of successful leaders but it is an opportunity to find out what each of us is. Emulate the success!
I think a leader is one who can/will contribute and be there when needed! A leader could be one who could respect his/her emotions and also understand the emotions of the others. A leader, I think, realizes his/her importance in seeing the success they create in the world. I think leadership is these values in practice! I don’t subscribe to the view that Leaders are born or for that matter leaders are created! I believe that each of us is a leader and when we scratch the surface we will see that it is not so difficult to understand, as we are the leaders of our destiny!
Iam sure there is more to it?
I welcome all the leaders to assist me in cracking this one!! My quest is still on!
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Checklist!!
Checklist for life/living! Here’s what I gathered from my various interactions, with various people and is inclusive of all the classes, ages etc etc etc… This is my understanding!
All of us need to review a checklist of activities and this captures a few of the most important ones in one’s life…in the present, past and future tenses! Iam kind of mid-way in life and hence the tenses are mixed up! :)
Have I got better marks all through my education?
Do I Look good?
Did I go to a well-known college?
Do/Did I have a girl/boy friend?
Am I having FUN?
Did I find a job in a big company?
Do I work for a big brand?
Do I go out to the ‘right places’?
Am I enjoying life?
Have I found the right life partner?
Do I have a ‘Happy Married Life’? (Someone once said, you could have a happy life or a married life…Hahahaha Hey Iam not endorsing this view ;))
Am I enjoying my life?
Did I get that promotion?
Do I have a child? (Or Children)
Do my kids speak good English, have good manners, and demonstrate intellectual and entertainment abilities? (More than one could ask of a ‘Mature’ and ‘Grown-up’ individual)
Do my kids go to an elite school?
Do I own a house and a ‘decent’ car?
Am I happy? Am I enjoying my life?
Have I made ‘influential’ friends and do I have status and do I get the respect?
Do I go on international vacation trips?
Have I planned for the next 5, 10, 15 years … to retirement? (This is what I call preparing for death and forgetting to live)
Do people consult me for advice?
Do I handle situations well?
Do people respect and appreciate me?
Do I have a big fat bank balance?
Have I saved enough?
Do I teach Lessons?
Is god with me?
Am I happy?
Did I enjoy life?
I always said to people who talk about planning and all other superficial comforts, using the convenience of a mysterious language called English, that they are preparing for death and forgetting to live! Why? Simply because LIFE is in the moment that we are alive not in the next 50 years when we retire!! I have been trying to follow a different checklist and believe me it is making life ‘Miserably Interesting and Exciting’
Am I literate or educated?
Am I good?
Do I work for money or for passion?
Am I working for a company or with a company?
Have I built a brand? What’s my brand?
Am I married for convenience or for love? Have I been the reason for happiness?
Have I demonstrated values for my children to learn and practice?
Do I have a HOME?
Do my people KNOW me?
Do I talk or act?
Have I done my good deed for the day, everyday?
Do I respect and appreciate people (all living things, actually)?
Did I conserve/preserve?
Do I create happiness?
Have I 'SEEN' the world?
Do I have a ‘VISION'?
Did I make a ‘difference’ to anyone in this world?
Do I matter to the ones who matter?
Do I understand and respect EMOTIONS and FEELINGS?
Do I create positive situations?
Have I had a positive impact/influence on the society?
Do I COMMUNICATE? Have I said the truth?
Have I gone beyond the superficial biases and prejudices?
Do I share experiences?
Do I believe in conscientious living?
Have I smiled enough?
Is life enjoyable?
I think we should ‘Take time and smell the roses’! In my opinion, while life is about intentions and actions, I (we) could do a little more by using in essence, the orientation and Interpretation!
All of us need to review a checklist of activities and this captures a few of the most important ones in one’s life…in the present, past and future tenses! Iam kind of mid-way in life and hence the tenses are mixed up! :)
Have I got better marks all through my education?
Do I Look good?
Did I go to a well-known college?
Do/Did I have a girl/boy friend?
Am I having FUN?
Did I find a job in a big company?
Do I work for a big brand?
Do I go out to the ‘right places’?
Am I enjoying life?
Have I found the right life partner?
Do I have a ‘Happy Married Life’? (Someone once said, you could have a happy life or a married life…Hahahaha Hey Iam not endorsing this view ;))
Am I enjoying my life?
Did I get that promotion?
Do I have a child? (Or Children)
Do my kids speak good English, have good manners, and demonstrate intellectual and entertainment abilities? (More than one could ask of a ‘Mature’ and ‘Grown-up’ individual)
Do my kids go to an elite school?
Do I own a house and a ‘decent’ car?
Am I happy? Am I enjoying my life?
Have I made ‘influential’ friends and do I have status and do I get the respect?
Do I go on international vacation trips?
Have I planned for the next 5, 10, 15 years … to retirement? (This is what I call preparing for death and forgetting to live)
Do people consult me for advice?
Do I handle situations well?
Do people respect and appreciate me?
Do I have a big fat bank balance?
Have I saved enough?
Do I teach Lessons?
Is god with me?
Am I happy?
Did I enjoy life?
I always said to people who talk about planning and all other superficial comforts, using the convenience of a mysterious language called English, that they are preparing for death and forgetting to live! Why? Simply because LIFE is in the moment that we are alive not in the next 50 years when we retire!! I have been trying to follow a different checklist and believe me it is making life ‘Miserably Interesting and Exciting’
Am I literate or educated?
Am I good?
Do I work for money or for passion?
Am I working for a company or with a company?
Have I built a brand? What’s my brand?
Am I married for convenience or for love? Have I been the reason for happiness?
Have I demonstrated values for my children to learn and practice?
Do I have a HOME?
Do my people KNOW me?
Do I talk or act?
Have I done my good deed for the day, everyday?
Do I respect and appreciate people (all living things, actually)?
Did I conserve/preserve?
Do I create happiness?
Have I 'SEEN' the world?
Do I have a ‘VISION'?
Did I make a ‘difference’ to anyone in this world?
Do I matter to the ones who matter?
Do I understand and respect EMOTIONS and FEELINGS?
Do I create positive situations?
Have I had a positive impact/influence on the society?
Do I COMMUNICATE? Have I said the truth?
Have I gone beyond the superficial biases and prejudices?
Do I share experiences?
Do I believe in conscientious living?
Have I smiled enough?
Is life enjoyable?
I think we should ‘Take time and smell the roses’! In my opinion, while life is about intentions and actions, I (we) could do a little more by using in essence, the orientation and Interpretation!
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